i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
