Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
