you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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