I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
