Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
