we're chasing vodka with high fives
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
