she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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