So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
