now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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