I wish I only lived at night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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