I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
