Swine flu. Run for my life!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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