This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
