Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
