Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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