I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i have two assholes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
