Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
