I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
