thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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