I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have aggressive nipples.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
