When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
