this will be a night to untag.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
