So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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