I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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