You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you.
Bad choice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
