Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
