no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
