is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so let's talk penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
