Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
