Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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