Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
