i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
