Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
