I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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