is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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