My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
