I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
