Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
