This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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