Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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