He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
