i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
