Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
