If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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