Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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