Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
