he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
