arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
