You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
