Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
