I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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